Their safe place

I first heard about this concept many years ago when I was a Preschool teacher. I had a group of 11 children in my classroom and one of them stood out for being “the.perfect.child”. He was sweet, he was polite, he was smart, he was kind, he was the easiest one in the group.

His mum would often ask me how he behaved in school and would be shocked to learn he was so good. She said he was the complete opposite at home, he would shout at her, not listen, throw tantrums constantly and even hit her. I couldn’t believe we were talking about the same child (and neither did she).

Fast forward a few years and I can fully understand what she meant. Once we hit the-so-feared 2, full-on tantrums began. When they were around 2.5 they started attending Preschool a couple of mornings a week. They would be perfect angels in there, but when I collected them, it was like hell broke loose. This has only gotten more intense since. It applies to occasions when they're minded by my parents, my brother or other family members, too. They'd be the happiest, nicest children around them but the moment I enter the picture, it changes like a switch.

Apparently this is well common among young children as they feel their parents (usually mum or the parent who they spent the most time with), are "their safe place", where they can be fully themselves, act and react whatever way they feel at the time, because they know they’ll be loved and supported unconditionally. A beautiful concept in theory until you’re on the receiving end. I try not to react right away when this happens. I also try not to ask them too many questions when I collect them and just be happy to see them and ready to listen without querying how their morning/day was while I was away. Some days it kinda works, some days it doesn't matter what you say or not. 

I don’t think there’s a magic way to deal with this positively, it can be really draining and it can get to you. 

Accepting that it’s a part of their development and reminding yourself that of all people in their lives they feel the safest with you can help shift your own mindset to react to these behaviours (sometimes). And if not, just power through and make sure there’s wine in the fridge at the end of the day.